Questions

On my walk I've come to a place where I have never been before. I'm giving up to try myself and let God do in me whatever he wants. The freedom that comes from it is astounding! At the same time I have one of the biggest battles raging in me for control; one for self, one for Him. I'm confused with what I have been believing and living, questioning the things I thought I was really standing on, like salvation, speaking with God, walking with him and most of all the cross. I have never seen the cross, the words spoken in the worst pain: "It is done". How I want to see the love and be filled by it, the spirit filling everything of me. But what if God asks you: "Should I do this now or over years?". I don't know what to answer.

Where I'm at: Refocus

I just came back from the USA, it was very relaxing and I could get my mind on some new things. The best thing was that I could spend some time with the person I love most: Chrystal my girl :-)

After August I have become so buissy, building new ministries, working and finding a way around all the other daily errands, as you can see my blog has suffered under these conditions too. In all the stress I have not only lost the blog out of sight but most of all (which hurts me most), the very thing that this blog is about: Intimacy with God.
I want to refocus, rethink, question everything. Most of all the activities which grew to an insane time effort, killing my most precious relationships!

Reaching out into the Minds of Influence

Thinking about our society and where we have come from I discover continously influences that have shaped the place where we are now at. Thinkers, philosophers, theologans, writers and politicians have left their mark on our minds and on our hearts. Everyone that wants to find out where we are going, eventually finds himself searching the past paths where we have come from. It is so crutial for us, to not forget and to move on beyond our forefathers.
In the church I see several influences that shape the fait and the faith, it is very naive to think only the bible has influenced our church culture, since it is obvious that we have gone far in adopting deep into our traditional heritage. So as our heart grows to spread our influence beyond the walls of our buildings and maybe smallgroups we quickly learn the importance to see beyond, we start studing the past of our towns and where we are at with our people. This takes several faces in our church, ranging from spiritual maping to businessfield studies for ministries that reach out. The pioneer people focus on statistics and wait until they are "hit" with an idea that will bring difference. Others rather focus on contemplation, they pray, wait and listen for the Lord, this gives them a spiritual feeling on what is on the move and what should be happening sooner or later. Viewing from a psycological angle we could seperate to different ways of aproaching the problem or goal. In most cases the desire is to see change in favor of the kingdom of God. More people brought in, the great comission fufilled and revival. On aproach is the spiritual or metaphysical, the current calling is sensed and often details are revealed through supernatural revelation and sensation. We say God spoke. The other aproach is the intelectual. Through extensive studies of underpinning principles, history and current information such as statistics and institutions we get to see the places and groups that we can invest into. We say we know the city. My observation is that the two rarley mix. Its a character and lifestyle issue, where one group is not verry attracted by the other. Its becomes more and more clear to me that one without the other is relativly useless in the sense that we want to join in into Gods path and plans, and see them happening! They key factor here is godly strategy, not on paper, but carried in hearts motivated by love and humility. How do we get there?
Obviously there's a range of Principles that start with the truth of the character of God and our relationship to him, go to the very way how we relate with each other and come to how we build our institutions. Along the way we try to walk in truth, but how much lies have been sowed into our minds so that we cannot see the way God would really go.

Capturing Beauty

God spoke and it was. He used supernatural words to create our nature.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
And God said, ...
genesis 1:1-3

I believe these words are still ringing trough the universe and that is why life even exists.


Imagine God's speaking as a symphony that still rings trough the universe. All nature joins in, plays and worships. I'm not a naturalist that puts nature at the same level with God, but also I don't believe that nature is just dead. But that there is still life behind the organic life that we acknowledge. C.S Lewis puts it so well in his Narnia chronicles when Aslan creates Narnia he walks singing throughout Narnia and life begins to grow in abundance.

Staying on Track

Life goes on and I wish my blog would update itself without my mighty interference...
We'll the last couple of days have been crazy, I've been going through up and downs with what is happening in our church. Since the day I fell in love with the church I'm amazed how much my state of faith is controlled by how my church is doing and what is going on there! This is not what I want, but it's happening to me all the time and so it is not easy for me to stay on track.
Well what is going on with my church? Many are asking what we are doing church for and if we are really on the right track. Some people I talked to lately said that working for our church destroyed their dreams what church could be like. On the other side the things I always prayed for are starting to become reality. Intercession and Prophecy is growing on one side while the whole outreaching, social ministry is now becoming reality and I'm right in midst of it.
I hope to learn being in peace with God in all this. Once more I'm learning that all we have to do is stay close to the Father and he'll take care of the rest. He will give us the vision we need, the strength, the love for our leaders and most of all a peace in midst of the storm.

Vision and Reality

Where does our reality meet our visions? Where do they become one?
Two roads joining, joying our hearts, our dreams becoming true. How
does all we hope for become reality. The answer is easy, it's grace,
but what does that mean for our lives? This question I'm pondering
almost every day right now! Knowing the calling and adopting the
desires of God for your lives is harder than not knowing at all. I'm
not saying it's something bad, but the problem I'm addressing is of
our human nature to try make things become reality on our own. When
it's about a business plan or something of that kind we might have
the ability to do that, but with heavenly things it is impossible,
because the only one who gives and takes life is God. Building Gods
kingdom is a matter of life, and it is where all our desires lie, a
life full of life. I was often told that the ultimate happiness comes
when we walk in our calling, so I though if I'm a missionary or
something I'll experience the fullness of life, I realize now that
this I total twisted thinking! We are called to live daily close to
the Lord and let him breathe life into the little dead things that
surround us and intoxicate our thoughts. Then we experience freedom
and the fullness of his promises. This must become a crucial part of
our pilgrimage.

Amazing Depth

Back to how this blog began... Every time I read brother Lawrence, my heart is gripped for the sincereness of how he desperatly searches for God. Every time I read it, I get thirsty for this radical following of God. What attracts me most is his total otherness than anyone I've ever read so far, except the bible. It often seems to me people try to make following God to some nice activity, that is lived out beside many other things of "less importance", but the acctual concerment we give those activities is so much greater than God himself. There this otherness is like a cold drink in a desert of ungiven examples...
Let's check out some of this heart:

This made me resolve to give the all for the All: so after having given myself wholly to GOD, to make all the satisfaction I could for my sins, I renounced, for the love of Him, everything that was not He; and I began to live as if there was none but He and I in the world. Sometimes I considered myself before Him as a poor criminal at the feet of his judge; at other times I beheld Him in my heart as my FATHER, as my GOD: I worshipped Him the oftenest that I could, keeping my mind in His holy Presence, and recalling it as often as I found it wandered from Him. I found no small pain in this exercise, and yet I continued it, notwithstanding all the difficulties that occurred, without troubling or disquieting myself when my mind had wandered involuntarily. I made this my business, as much all the day long as at the appointed times of prayer; for at all times, every hour, every minute, even in the height of my business, I drove away from my mind everything that was capable of interrupting my thought of GOD.